


Changing Religion

by Edom



Category: West Wing
Genre: F/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-03-14
Updated: 2011-05-06
Packaged: 2017-10-16 23:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/170561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Edom/pseuds/Edom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of Josh and Donna through the years after the Bartlet administration except this first chapter and some of the second one. Everything in canon happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story was beta'ed by TayTay4936, who is my guiding light in everything I write, and all things about the Jewish faith has been beta'ed by Sfscarlet who knows all the things about the faith that I sadly don't. Thank you so much to the both of them.

It was December 2nd, 2001, a week before Hanukkah, not that Josh really took notice of this; the only reason he ever really did notice was because he received a package from his mother every year with eight gifts and the candles for his menorah a few days prior to the holiday.

He was sitting in his office, reading a report he was going to need the next day for a meeting on the hill. When he heard someone clearing their throat, he jumped; it was late and he had thought he was the only one left in the building; he had even sent Donna home a couple of hours prior.

When he looked up, he saw Toby standing in his doorway with an apologetic look on his face.

“Sorry.”

Josh shrugged it off.

“I thought I was the only one left; what are you doing here?”

Toby came in and fidgeted for a while before he looked at Josh.

“I think you should give Donna Hanukkah gifts this year.”

Josh was taken aback at that, if he’d have had to guess, this would probably not even have made it to the list of possible topics, not even the bottom of it.

“Why? Donna isn’t Jewish.”

“Actually she is.” Toby could see that Josh was just about to say something, so he put up his hand to stop him. “I’ll tell you the story, but it’s rather long.”

Toby waited until a shocked Josh gave him a sign to continue. He sat in one of the visitors’ chairs and gathered his thoughts.

“A few days after Rosslyn, I came by to visit you but you were sleeping. Donna was sitting in the visitor’s chair next to your bed, just like she always did. I don’t actually think she went home other than to sleep and shower the first week you were there.”

Josh nodded; he knew that and had half-heartedly tried to get her to go home during the day, but he didn’t put up too much of a fight since he felt better knowing she was there.

“She was reading something that I couldn’t see what was at first, but then I realized it was note cards.”

Josh chuckled a little at that, Donna loved her note cards; she used them for everything she researched.

“When she saw me, she smiled and then got up and pulled me out of the room after checking that you were still sleeping. When she got me out into the hall, we sat in some chairs and she told me how her parents had never been particularly religious, how she had always believed in a higher power but never really bought into the whole Virgin Mary, Holy Ghost and Jesus thing, her words not mine. She told me that while you were in surgery she had prayed with all her might to a god she didn’t know how to define for you to be alright and how she had promised herself that if you made it through she would research the subject and find a religion that suited her.”  
Josh stared at him with his mouth hanging open.

“I know; I was completely dumbfounded when she told me, too. I asked her why she celebrated Christmas if she wasn’t Christian, but she waved her hand as if to wave the question away and said that it was because she actually loved the spirit of it, the good will towards man, the decorations and the music. She never had a nativity scene in her home, never put an angel on top of her tree, and she didn’t go to church.”

Josh looked more and more confused.

“But she’s from Wisconsin, that’s like 80% Christian.”

“Yeah.”

Toby nodded as if he totally agreed with Josh’s disbelief.

“Anyway, she looked up the predominant world religions and then started researching them while you were sleeping during the day.”

“Wow, I never knew, how come she didn’t tell me?”

Josh looked at Toby, who shrugged his shoulders.

“I asked her if she had talked to you about any of this and she told me that she didn’t want to put this on you. She didn’t want you to feel responsible for her finding a faith that suited her.”

Josh nodded; that sounded like something Donna would say.

“She had taken them from the top by number of followers, skipping over Christianity since she had already excluded that. She told me that some of the Indian religions really had a lot of merit but they weren’t really what she was looking for. It wasn’t until she came to number 9 on the list that she found the one that felt right.”

Toby looked at Josh, until then he had looked at a spot above his right shoulder.

“She looked at me and gave me a sad little smile and said ‘I should have known, Toby, considering I made the promise while praying for Josh’s life, I should have know that Judaism would be the one to appeal to me’. She looked so young and so earnest, Josh; I couldn’t do anything other than smile and agree with her; it made some kind of Donna sense.”  
Toby looked a little uncomfortable and shy but it was perfectly clear to Josh what had happened; when Donna gave him those eyes he couldn’t do anything but agree with her either, plus, he was very used to Donna-logic.

“She then asked me if she could come with me next time I was going to temple, and since it was Friday, I said we could go that evening. She gave me a little smile and asked what time to be ready and where to meet. I told her to meet me at The White House, we could go from there.”

Josh nodded and looked like he was thinking for a little while.

“Sixth and I?”

“Yeah, that’s where I usually go. Kesher Israel in Georgetown is Orthodox and I didn’t really think she was ready for that, or that it was what she was looking for.”

“Yeah, good call. How did it go?”

Josh was very curious about this new development, new for him at least; apparently, this had happened a year and a half ago.

“It went really well, actually so well that afterwards she talked to the rabbi and signed up for classes. I tell you, when she makes up her mind about something, she doesn’t waste any time.”

“Don’t I know it; she’s a powerhouse. So she started lessons with the rabbi right away?”

“Yeah, she told me she didn’t really see the point in waiting since she knew what she wanted, plus she had promised God that if He would spare you she would find some spiritual guidance and direction in her life.”

Josh was floored; he knew that the shooting had had an impact on her, but not that it had been this profound. He suddenly remembered something and looked pointedly at Toby again.

“Why didn’t you tell me this last year?”

“Josh, last year Hanukkah started on December 21st.”

He didn’t say anything else, but the meaning was clear; Josh hadn’t exactly been in the best frame of mind around the holidays the year prior. He nodded in understanding and Toby got up to leave.

“Wait, Toby, do you know if she even has a menorah?”

“She does, but it’s a simple pewter one; she told me she really couldn’t afford one in blown glass like she really wanted, so this would have to do until she had saved up for it.”

Toby left and Josh went back to the report he was reading but he couldn’t really concentrate. Finally, he gave up all together, took the phone and punched in a number.

“Mom, hi, I need some help.”


	2. Prologue 2

That had been five years ago, and this year he would actually spend Chanukah with Donna, and not just leave her gifts on her desk each night.

After talking to his mother, he had gone out to try and find some gifts, but as it was late at night, he gave up and just went home, deciding to take a long lunch the next day to find her gifts.

He was walking towards the mall when he noticed a glass blower’s shop. In the window he saw, not only several different menorahs, but also dreidels and Stars of David. The shop was called Weinstein and Daughters and Josh was immediately drawn to it.

He went inside and was looking at the display of menorahs when an elderly gentleman came out from the back room and greeted him.

“Hello, I’m Abraham Weinstein; can I help you with something?”

“Hi, Josh Lyman; I’m looking for a menorah for someone but none of the ones you have here are quite right, even if they are very beautiful.”

“Well, we do make custom-made things too; what did you have in mind?”

“I’m not really sure.”

Josh looked around, uncertain, until he saw a specific menorah that had previously been cast in shadow. He looked at it and knew right away what he wanted. He pointed to it and looked at Abraham.

“Can you make something like that, just, you know, different, before Hanukkah?”

“Sure, it doesn’t take as long as you’d think; my daughters and I work in tandem on something like that.”

Josh smiled and told him what he had in mind. He even ordered one for himself figuring that it couldn’t hurt to try and remember his roots, he had promised his grandfather never to forget, after all.

He also bought one of the dreidels and took that with him before going on to the last stop before going back to the office, happy with the shopping excursion.

He had gone back the first day of Hanukkah to pick up the menorah for Donna; it was absolutely stunning. It was a pale pink, almost white; the base was 20 inches long, 4 inches wide and an inch thick. In the same pale pink glass, and placed on top of the base, was written Donnatella and on top of that was another plate like the base. In the middle of it was a blue Star of David and on each side of the star were four candle holders, and the ninth holder, for the Shamash candle, was on top of the star.

Mr. Weinstein took out one more Menorah; this time it was Josh’s own. This was only 12 inches long, it said Joshua instead of Donnatella and the glass was very pale blue as opposed to pink; the Star of David was also smaller to accommodate the shorter base.

“You finished mine too? Wow, you work fast. They are beautiful; thank you so much, I know she’s going to love it, I know I love mine.”

Josh smiled gratefully at the older man who preened a little at the praise.

“Can I ask you something, if you don’t want to answer you can just tell me to mind my own business, but Donnatella isn’t your typical Jewish name, how did she end up with that?”

Josh chuckled a little before answering.

“You’re right; it’s not a Jewish name. Her mother is Italian and her father is Irish; she just converted to Judaism a year and a half ago. Before that, she would probably have told you she was protestant, but she was more relapsed than anything.”

Abraham Weinstein nodded in understanding.

“That makes sense, then; I wonder what her Hebrew name is then.”

Josh was taken aback at that; he hadn’t thought about it, but the glassblower was right, she would have had to have a Hebrew name to be called to the Torah with. He hadn’t thought to ask Toby, didn’t even know if the other man knew; he figured he’d just have to ask Donna herself at some point.

“I don’t know actually.”

“Well when you find out and if she is interested, you can come back and have it engraved on the Star of David in Hebrew.”

Josh smiled at that; he actually loved that idea and thought he’d like to have his own name engraved in Hebrew too.  
He left the shop and drove back to The White House with Donna’s Menorah wrapped in beautiful silver paper with little dreidels and Stars of David on it, his own was wrapped in bubble wrap and in a bag in the trunk of his car.

He placed the gift on Donna’s desk and went to his own office, happy that his assistant had stepped away from her cubicle for a minute.

He had put a card with the gift explaining that while she was a grown-up and he’d normally only give her one gift for Hanukkah, he had decided that since it was the first year he knew she celebrated, he would give her one each night. He would also normally save the biggest gift for the last day, but the reason why it came as the first one would be self-explanatory when she opened the gift.

The look on her face when she later came in to thank him was worth the cost and the grief he got from CJ for being such a nice sweet boy; and yes, that was her teasing him.

The second day he gave her the glass dreidel and added a wooden one he had found at the second store he had gone to. He added the note inside the gift this time;

‘Donna, I saw the glass dreidel the same place where I bought your menorah and thought you’d like it. I know you never got to play with one when you were a kid and a glass one really isn’t the best for that so I got you the other one for that purpose.’

That gift and the Geld he got her the last six days were received with equal enthusiasm as the menorah had. Even with all that, things between the two were still strained after the whole ordeal about Cliff Calley and the diary which would explain why Josh let himself get ensorcelled with Amy Gartner and all the grief that caused.

They got back to normal, or at least normal for them, but it still took five more years, a lot of heartache and two presidential campaigns before they finally made a move to get together.


	3. Running Scared

Josh woke up early on their third day on Maui. The first two had been spent in bed or by the pool relaxing, eating and having a great deal of sex. He now felt he was ready to move on to the more serious part of the vacation.

He knew it was a risk to do it now instead of waiting until the last day; if things went bad, it could ruin the rest of their stay, but he really couldn’t handle waiting any longer; he was supposed to use the week to unstress and the pressure of that conversation was weighing heavily on him.

Donna was still fast asleep, so he got out the papers he wanted her to read, wrote her a note and put on his running clothes. He really needed to exercise a lot more frequently than he had done the last year, but being on the campaign trail really didn’t lend much time for it. His diet needed some serious work too, but again, being on the road for the better part of a year meant fast food and quick snacks, again something that his heart really couldn’t cope with for much longer.

His cardiologist would not be pleased with him when he came in for his appointment in a month if he didn’t at least try to rectify the situation a little. And if his cardiologist wasn’t happy, then Donna would be pissed, and chances were she wouldn’t keep quiet about it either; the First Lady and the Surgeon General would soon be brought in on it and they would both berate him incessantly; better to try and do a little damage control.

The resort they were staying at, the Westin Ka'anapali Ocean Resort Villas, was very beautiful and expansive so he didn’t have any trouble finding a path to run, even if he tried to avoid the beach; running in sand and getting the stuff in his shoes were not on the agenda for the day.

He hoped that Donna would recognize what he was trying to do with the papers he had left her, and that she would be as open with him as he was prepared to be with her. He really wanted things with her to work; he had been in love with her for too long, and too deeply to give it up now that he was within reach of everything he never thought he ever wanted.

It felt good to run again, even the fact that he was running outdoors did little to diminish the experience, even if he was in fact not an outdoors man, despite his insistence to the contrary when Donna finally had let him outside after Rosslyn.

He ran a little longer than he had initially planned on, but he felt good, and the endorphins were kicking in, making him a little high off the exercise.

A few women were checking him out, but it hardly registered with him; what he wanted was back in their room and nobody else really compared in his eyes.

He thought about the phone call he had with his mother two days ago, mere hours after they had arrived in Hawaii. It had started out really unpleasant, but thankfully, it had ended on a much happier note.

She had called the hotel and they had patched the call through to the room. Donna had answered and given him the phone telling him she was going to go to the store and get them some swimwear. Neither of them had had much use for those particular garments in years and had nothing like it in their wardrobes.

He took the phone and gave her a little kiss before answering and then waited until she had left the room to put it to his ear.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hello, Joshua, why did I not know you were going on vacation, and why is Donna answering the phone in your room?”

She sounded annoyed, more by the Donna question than the not telling her part, which he didn’t understand; his mother had always loved Donna.

“It was spur of the moment, the vacation, actually, it was Sam ordering me to go or he wouldn’t stay on as my deputy, and I really need him to. Donna is answering the phone because she and I are on vacation together to try and figure out what this thing we have is.”

His mother had been quiet for a while, so long, in fact, that Josh asked if she was still there.

“I’m here, but I’m not sure how to say this.” There was another small silence until she started speaking again. “I know Donna is important to you, and I know that she has taken good care of you in the past, but she’s not Jewish; now I know that is not important to you, but it is to me, it was to your father, but most especially it was to your grandfather. I know you promised him that you would never forget; how are you going to keep that promise if you marry a shiksa?”

Josh was so furious that steam was almost coming out of his ears. He went out onto the balcony, closed the door and made sure he was facing the door so that Donna wouldn’t walk in and hear what he was about to say. He couldn’t believe his mother had said that to him and he was going to give her an unfiltered piece of his mind, but Donna would be hurt that the woman she admired and liked apparently didn’t think she was good enough for her son, despite religious belief.  
“Mother, this is not up for negotiation. I will marry whomever I want to. You had better give me your unconditional support on this, or you’ll be the kind of grandmother who only sees her grandkids every few years since Donna is the only woman who will ever be in any kind of position to give you any, is that clear?”

He heard his mother’s sharp intake of breath before she told him that yes, it was clear in a very tight voice.

“Now that that is dealt with, do you remember when I asked you where I might be able to find a nice glass Menorah a few years back?”

“Yes, I was so happy that you were starting to show an interest in your faith again.” His mother’s voice had changed pitch back to her usual happy tones when she spoke to her son. “That is one of the reasons I feel that way, Joshua, how are you going to raise the children? Are they even going to know your heritage?”

“If you’ll let me finish, the Menorah wasn’t for me, even if I did get one for myself too, it was for Donna, she converted to Judaism. After Rosslyn, she made a deal with God that if I survived she would find some spiritual guidance and she felt that Judaism was the answer for her, so you see, you don’t have to worry, our kids, if we actually ever get to that point, will be raised Jewish.”

“Oh, Joshua, that is wonderful, but why didn’t you just tell me that?”

“Because this is my life and any decision I may make really isn’t up to you to critique.”

Just then, Donna had come back and Josh had finished the conversation with his mother. Now, two days later, he was still pretty pissed at her for the way she had spoken, and more than a little disappointed; he had really thought better of her.

He was back at their room now and walked around a little, both to cool down and to work up his nerve to go in and find out what Donna had made of the papers he had left for her. He finally opened the door and walked in.


	4. The Papers

Donna woke when the door closed, not that she knew what had actually woken her, and when she reached out for Josh and found the pillow next to her empty, she sat up confused and looked around, trying to find him.  
She didn’t see him anywhere in the bedroom and got up to go look in the rest of the suite. She found a note from him on top of a manila envelope.

‘Donna,

I think it’s time for the talk, if it’s ok with you. There are some things I’d like you to read beforehand, all of which are in the envelope. I hope you’ll still want to have the talk after you are through. I have gone for a run and will be back soon.

Josh’

To say that Donna was surprised and a little apprehensive might have been understating it a bit, but she took the envelope with her and put it on the table out on the balcony before going into the small kitchen to make some coffee.  
With a coffee cup in her hand, she went back to the balcony and sat down on one of the plush deck chairs. She opened the envelope and took out a rather large stack of papers. The first page was another note from Josh;

‘Donna,

You know I have a lot of staff to hire before Inauguration, and some of those are the assistants to the senior staff. I asked for the job descriptions for all those positions and got quite the shock when I read what would have been your old one. Since I know for a fact that you did a lot of other things besides what was in there, I figured it was probably the same with the others.

I therefore asked Margaret, Carol, Ginger and Bonny to write me a kind of CV of what their work had been like the eight years in the White House. I also told them that if they wanted to stay on in either their current jobs or in any other capacity, I would more than welcome their application since we need people who will not be blinded by the light when they step into the building (yes, I know you are calling me Abner in your head right now, Bambi).

What they gave me was not at all what I had expected and I’d like you to read them in the order they are in now and then read the letter I have left at the bottom of the pile, please.

Josh.’

Donna put the letter on the table and picked up Margaret’s job description and read first that and then the CV she had written. The two weren’t completely identical, but there wasn’t that much of a difference either.

Carol, Bonnie and Ginger’s CVs, on the other hand, could have been carbon copies of their job description; they did everything on there, and nothing more.

There were only two more things in the pile and the next one was a job description for the Senior Assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff, aka Donna’s old job. When she read it, she was completely stunned. Not even half of the things she had done as Josh’s assistant were on there, only the most basic things like answering his phone, keeping his calendar and pulling research; not reading it and making note cards, just pulling it for him to go over.

If she had only done the things in her job description, she would have been able to go home a lot earlier at night, but she would also have been bored to tears within the first year in the White House.

The last item from the envelope was yet another letter from Josh.

‘Donna,

I know that you were not happy with the work you were doing the last months you were working for me, and I’m sorry about that. I wanted you to read these so that you could see that I did in fact give you a lot more than any of the other assistants got, and then I wanted to tell you that there was no way for me to give you any more.

When CJ was named Chief of Staff over me, I was absolutely stunned; I honestly thought that my leaving to go to Germany to be with you had cost me the promotion that should have been mine if the normal chain of command had been followed; I was next in line, after all.

I found out about a year later that Leo had told the president that I would be leaving soon to go look for my own ‘Real Thing’. It actually had absolutely nothing to do with my leaving in the middle of an international crisis.

I have to admit that in some very small part of the back of my mind, I probably resented you a little for it when you came back, even if there was absolutely nowhere else I would have been than at your bedside during those days. The fact that Colin had shown up and broken my heart while there didn’t really help with the resentment.

You know that CJ was micromanaging everything when she became CoS and you know that she took away the China trip when someone somewhere screwed up, even if it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I had very little pull to keep myself afloat, let alone try to give you more responsibility, even if I did want to.

Not once in all that time did you tell me that you wanted another job, you just kept telling me that you wanted to have more responsibility in the one you had. I know you saw Charlie pass out his resume and you wanted me to push you to do the same thing, but it wasn’t the same situation at all.

Charlie had actually spent a lot of years at night school to get his college degree while working all hours for the president, and his job actually had a lot less influence on policy than yours did. Other than that, it really wasn’t my job as your boss to push you to get another job; you were invaluable to me in the one you were in. And it really wasn’t my job as the man who was in love with you to do so, that would have meant never seeing you with the amount of hours I was working. In the end, you were one of the few things that made me get up and go to work in the morning.  
Then there was the fact that you were cold after you came back; you pushed me away and wouldn’t let me take care of you like you had done for me after Rosslyn; that really hurt. I really don’t know what I did to make you resent me as much as it felt like you did. I thought that you were still with Colin and that was why, but I later learned that you weren’t, which actually just confused me more.

Anyway, all this is to tell you that I did give you as much work as I was able to at the time, even if I did know that you were able to do a lot more, and to ask you why you seemed to distance yourself from me when you came home.

I hope we can work all this out, because I don’t think we’ll ever be able to move forward to where I would like us to be if we don’t.

One last thing, I know I should probably tell you this in person for the first time, but I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be able to, so here goes;

I love you, Donnatella Moss, and I have for a very long time.

Josh’

Tears were streaming down Donna’s face when she finished reading the letter and she was grateful that Josh wasn’t back yet to see her like that. She went to the bathroom to wash her face in order to calm down a little.

When she came back out, she saw that Josh had returned, looking absolutely mouthwatering with the sweat pouring down his chest that was now bare since he had taken off his t-shirt. He saw her and smiled a little uncertain smile at her and she couldn’t help but give him one back.

“I’m just going to grab a quick shower, would you order us some breakfast, and then we can talk?”

He sounded so unsure that she had to give him a kiss on the cheek in order to reassure him.

“Sure, you go ahead, I’ll be on the patio when you are done.”

He nodded and went to the bathroom while she picked up the phone to call room service.


	5. Talking about CJ

Donna ordered some breakfast and directed them to put it on the patio, and sat down to wait while Josh showered.

When he joined her, he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. He sat down and lifted the lid to see what she had ordered for him. He looked up at her and smiled gratefully that she was still looking out for him. She had ordered toast and a bowl with honey dew, strawberries, pineapple and oranges, freshly squeezed orange juice and coffee.

“You’re letting me drink coffee?”

She hadn’t let him anywhere near anything even resembling caffeine all the time they had been on the island.

“It’s decaf.”

She smirked and he couldn’t help chuckling a little; he was just so happy that she still felt the need to take care of him; he had missed that since she stopped well before Gaza.

They ate some food in silence and Josh was getting a little anxious; he was hoping that Donna would open the talk, but it was looking more and more like he had to take the bull by the horns himself.

“So, did you read the papers?”

He was concentrating on doctoring his new cup of coffee, dreading what he would find in her eyes and face if he actually looked at her.

“I did, and I have to confess that I never knew how little any of the other assistants actually did. That said, my annoyance with you started before I even left for Gaza.”

At that, Josh’s head snapped up and he looked at her in confusion.

“I knew you wanted to grow in your job, you told me often enough, that’s why I sent you to Gaza, and look what that did.”

Josh looked crushed at the thought of being responsible for Donna getting blown up.

“Oh Josh, it wasn’t your fault, you had no way of knowing what would happen.”

He shook his head and waved his hand to change the subject.

“Do you remember the night before I left? We were in a crash and you were in your office with Kate Harper while I was in CJ’s office with her?”

“Sure, how could I forget spending several hours with Miss Classified, herself.”

Josh wasn’t too fond of the National Security Advisor’s deputy; thought she was a little too intense.

“Well, CJ said some things that night, some things I really didn’t want to hear, but somehow I started to believe them.”

“What did she say?”

Josh was wary; if Donna leaving him (her job if you asked her) was somehow CJ’s doing, he had even more things to resent the current Chief of Staff for, and he was somewhat pissed at her right now as it was.

“She said that you had sold me a bill of goods with the trip, that it was just handholding the press. That if you had really given me every opportunity, I would have grown out of my job three years prior. When I started to tell her that it wasn’t your responsibility, she said that no, it wasn’t entirely your fault, that it was mine too; that the only reason I was staying was because of you. She told me that I should go to symposiums and look for opportunities with non-profits and have relationships. In short, anything that didn’t involve you.”

Donna didn’t look at Josh while she said all this, so she didn’t see the slow rage or the pain in his face.

“It was without question the most humiliating night of my life. I left for Gaza the next day, still pissed at CJ, myself and you. When I woke up in Germany, I thought it was a sign that maybe my feelings for you weren’t one-sided, but then you were acting so weird when I came back, and I assumed that I had been wrong.”

“I was acting weird when you came back?”

Josh was honestly confused; he couldn’t for the life of him recognize that he should have been the one to act differently.

“Josh, you tried to control me, control who I could talk to, what I could do!”

“Yeah, just like you did with me after Rosslyn.”

Josh said it like it was the most logical thing in the world, and to him, it was, but Donna was stunned. She hadn’t thought of that, hadn’t contemplated that maybe Josh had just used her own rules in order to help her the way she had used them to help him.

“I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

She looked truly ashamed of that and Josh let it go; he knew how much was going on with her from painful experience, so he would give her a pass on that one.

“Why did CJ think I sold you a bill of goods with the trip?”

He was getting back to that because it was important to him that she not think that.

“Because you did, Josh; I bumped one of CJ’s deputies; he was just going to hand-hold the press.”

“Donna, yes, you bumped him and yes, that was what he was going to do, but that wasn’t what you were going to do. What I told you was true; you were going to report back to Toby and me.”

“But CJ said…”

Josh was annoyed that she apparently believed CJ over him.

“Donna, I was CJ’s superior, she was the press secretary. There were frequently things we didn’t tell her, this was one of those things. She was pissed enough as it were that we bumped one of her people in favor of you; we didn’t want to tell her that we didn’t trust him to give us an accurate account of what was going on.”

Donna was absolutely stunned; she had never even contemplated that scenario. She knew that CJ was sometimes pissed that she was kept out of the loop, even if it was to give her plausible deniability.

“Oh, I hadn’t thought of that, I don’t think CJ had either.”

She looked down, partly in shame and partly because she suddenly felt angry with CJ and she didn’t want Josh to see it in her face.

“I know; the tonnage of things CJ hadn’t thought about when she talked to you is staggering.”  
Josh’s displeasure with his long-time friend was apparent in his tone of voice and the look on his face. Donna was taken aback at the vehemence in his voice and felt the need to defend her friend.

“Josh, she did it for me, to help me.”

“Really, Donna, did it help you? Are you really going to tell me that you were better off being angry at me and that you were actually better off with the distance between us for the 8 months between when you left and until you started working for the Santos campaign? I know it was good for your career, but wouldn’t you rather have had both?”

The look on Donna’s face was one of stunned disbelief at first, she hadn’t expected the venom in Josh’s voice, then it turned to sad acceptance.

“Yeah, I would have rather not have felt the way I did those months; it was horrible.”

“It was, you have no idea how much I missed you every single day, Donna, it was like part of me was missing. I found myself turning to grin at you when something good happened, or picking up the phone to call you.”

“Me too.”

Donna’s voice was barely above a whisper but Josh heard her loud and clear. He looked at her and could see the strain in her face when remembering those horrible months.

“Besides, how do you think CJ would have reacted if I told Carol that she had outgrown her job that she should go out and find something better?”

“Yeah, that wouldn’t have been pretty; she would have bludgeoned you over the head for that.”

Donna smiled a little and Josh smiled back, hoping the more heartbreaking part of the talk was over with, that the next part would be more pleasant.


End file.
